2.19.2010

remembering

It's crazy how when I least expect it, I hear or see something that reminds me of my dad. Take last night for instance. Ryan and I were watching Friends on our laptop (we don't have a TV:) and when it was over I decided to check my email before going to bed.

I had an email notifying me that a subscriber had unsubscribed from my blog. I opened it and there was my dad's email address staring back at me. It was his work email and I am assuming that they closed the account. Then the tears just started falling (much like they are now as I type this). I miss him so much. I miss him reading my blog. I miss him seeing pictures of Mason and calling to tell me how cute he is and how he can't wait to meet him. I miss him commenting on all my cooking/baking posts. Whenever we talked he would ask me what kind of bread I was baking or what recipe I was going to try next. And then he would always joke that I should send him some.

I spent most of last night and this morning thinking about: my dad. And cooking. And his comments on my baking posts. And my dad. I made madeleines (post tomorrow!) and thought about how great it would be to tell him about them. Or send him some.

Then I remembered that I use to cook for him when I was little. Ok, not really cook, but more like make. When I was little, I loved to make my dad special sandwiches. I would open the fridge and take a little bit of everything (and I mean everything) I could find and slap it between two slices of bread. Then I would proudly carry it to my dad and wait for him to take a bite. He always acted like they were so good. Umm....gross. Sorry dad. But, thanks for making me feel so special as you ate my sandwiches that I lovingly prepared.

I wish I could make you another one.

5 comments:

Hillary said...

this made me teary. :(

But I know he's looking over you with a huge smile as he can share these special memories too. He has a much better view of your blogging material now. :)

Stephanie said...

Oh Leanne. This just breaks my heart. I am so sorry that you are going through this. I wish I could take the pain away. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you hun!

Elizabeth *^..^* said...

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry you are going through this. You are blessed to have had such a wonderful relationship with your father. Not many can say that. Hold on to the loving memories. Hugs to you, Elizabeth

Jean H. said...

Hang in there...it has been 11 1/2 years ago since my father passed suddenly. It does get easier, but I still have my days of tears, too. There are many, many memories out there and that is what you have to hang on to. He's above you watching down now.

Anonymous said...

oh sister, that was a neat post. I miss Dad so much too! I remember all those fun little sandwiches to, but I think I remeber him hiding them under the couch so we'd think he ate them. Last week Chris found a really cool rock/petrified wood and I new that if Dad saw it he could tell him exactly what it is. I really miss talking to Dad! I know that he will always be in our hearts. I love you.
Kates